My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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