Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i've created a new STD.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
