Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
