haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
