oh god the rape fog is back!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
