So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
