just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
