the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
