evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
