why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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