I love black thongs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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