why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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