I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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