dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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