im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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