You're so nebulous sometimes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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