they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy