Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
