I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.