Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom