just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon