I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead