how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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