Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
