Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
