I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
