Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
