Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
