I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
