i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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