We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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