Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
