im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize