At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
