I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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