i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
