maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize