You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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