You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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