Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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