bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
