I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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