There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
