i don't like sucking hair
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
