Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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