So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
