Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
