I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
