absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
