absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
