dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
