but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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