And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
