At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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