there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
