I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
