I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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