got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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