I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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