i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
