were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
