My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
