found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
