watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
