...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
