Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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