Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
