Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
