I'm jealous of your bromance
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
