your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
this hospital has no fireball
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
