I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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