Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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