"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
