Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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