So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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