the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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