Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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