I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
