it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
