Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
