You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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