Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
