I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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