i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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