I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
high people should be assigned attendants
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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