I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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